CHAPTER ELEVEN
 

Remington turned to find Laura standing behind him with her arms crossed and an expression of curiosity and anger on her face.  “Laura.  How long have you been there?”

“Long enough to hear your plans to leave.  So, I’ll ask again, what’s stopping you?”

Abigail tried to sidestep the question.  “Uh, Laura, I don’t thi…”

“Save it Mother.”  Looking back to Remington, Laura continued.  “I want an answer to my question.  If you’re so damned unhappy, why are you still here?”

“Why am I still here?”  He turned to Abigail.  “Abigail, would you and Mildred mind leaving us alone please?”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.” Abigail looked at Laura’s raging expression. 

Laura walked to the office door and opened it.  “Mildred, could you and my mother please go to lunch or to the caterers or anywhere other than here?”

“Sure hon.  Everything okay?”

“Couldn’t be better.  Mr. Steele and I are just going to iron out a few details.”  She turned her attention back to Abigail.  “Mother… Mother please!”  Laura escorted Abigail and Mildred out of the office and locked the front doors.  When she returned to his office, Remington was at the mini-bar fixing a drink.  “Now that they’re gone, you can carry on with your plans of packing up your borrowed life and getting out of mine.  Unless of course, you’re going to tell me what’s stopping you from going or perhaps that would be too much of a commitment for you to handle.”

Remington stood at the bar for another moment then without warning turned around and threw the drink across the room.  The glass hit the wall and shattered one of the photos, the frame falling to the floor behind the sofa.  With a look of fury that Laura had never seen in him before, he grabbed her by the arm and nearly dragged her into the bathroom.  She struggled to get out of his grip but the more she fought, the harder he held onto her.  “You want to know what’s stopping me?  Look in the mirror…”  Laura turned her head away and with his other hand he forced her to face forward.  “Look in the bloody mirror! How many times are we going to have this argument Laura?  How many bloody damn times am I going to have to keep telling you that I’m not leaving before you get it into your head woman?!  You want to know why I haven’t left, even though I know it’s probably the best thing I could ever do?  Because then you’d have that little thing you’re always after – validation that another person abandoned you.  Well I’m not giving you the satisfaction of being able to say that I walked out on you like your father or Wilson did.  Although I will say that if you behaved with them like you have for the past four-and-a-half years with me, I’m beginning to understand why they left!”

Laura yanked his hand away from her chin and spun around.  “You…you…” Seething by his comment, Laura swung with everything bit of strength she could find as her hand connected with his face.  “You pompous, arrogant, two-bit con man!  Just who the hell do you think you are anyway?”

“Who am I?  I’m the person who saved your collective ass on more than one occasion!  I’m the one who has kept your precious secret for all of these years.  I’m the one who lets you cry on my shoulders one minute and stomp all over me the next because it appears to be the only way you’re ever happy!”  Laura rose from the chair she had sat down in only to have him push her back down.  “I’m not finished yet and for once in your life you’re going to sit there and listen without interrupting.  What were you thinking?  Really Laura, did you honestly even stop to think that you could just drop the fact that you considered having a relationship with another man in my lap and not know that it would hurt me?  Do you really think so little of me or was I once again nothing more than the errant schoolboy who had to be kept in line?”

Laura opened her mouth to speak but closed it again when she saw his furious stare.  “I’m tired of this Laura.  I’m tired of you thinking that I’m nothing more than someone who’s going to waltz in and out of your life.  Someone who’s only interested in a quick roll in the hay and I’m tired of trying to make up for all of the wrong things that people have done in the past.  I’m not your father Laura!  I’m not Wilson!  I’m not some fly-by-night gigolo who’s out to sleep with every woman who walks by!  I’m a man who has had more than his share of people walking out on me, people who didn’t give a damn whether I was alive or dead, and women who thought more of me than you obviously do.  I’ve made mistakes Laura, but it seems my biggest mistake was falling in love with you because you’ll do absolutely anything to sabotage a relationship before it has a chance to get off the ground.  You’re looking for someone to take out your frustrations and issues on and I’m tired of being your punching bag.”  Remington picked up his jacket and went to the reception area to unlock the front doors. 

Laura walked to the doorway of his office.  “What are you doing?”    

Remington opened the door but turned back to answer her.  “As always, exactly what you want Laura.  I’m looking for a mature adult relationship and maybe when you finally manage to grow up and stop hiding behind the past, we’ll have a chance at one.  Until then you’re on your own.” 

Laura watched as the glass door closed.  She turned and looked at the empty office.  Walking back into the room, she rolled her hand into a fist and banged it into the wall. “Damn him!”

Mildred and Abigail entered the office and noted the silence. The door to Laura’s office was still closed and locked but Remington’s door stood open. They walked to the door to glance inside only to find Laura sitting in the middle of the sofa holding the broken frame. They hesitated for a moment and then went inside.

“Everything okay Miss Holt?”

Laura nodded yes. “Well, if you consider that Mr. Steele threw a glass across the room, destroyed this photo, manhandled me and then while he was shouting had the nerve to accuse me of trying to sabotage our relationship before yet again walking out, then everything’s perfect Mildred.”

“The boss threw a glass and manhandled you?! That doesn’t sound like the Boss.”

Abigail stopped next to one of the chairs. “Laura. What did you say to him after we left?”

Laura looked at her mother and grew increasingly aggravated. “What do you mean, what did I say to him?! Mother, did you miss the part where I said he manhandled and shouted at me?”

“Well Laura, I agree with Mildred. That doesn’t sound at all like something Mr. Steele would do unless he were extremely upset and provoked. And, well, you’ve always been a little on the high-strung and dramatic side especially when you’re not getting your way.”

Laura stood up. “I don’t know why I’m even sitting here telling either one of you about this. Of course you’re going to take his side. Heaven forbid I actually might need to get a little advice on what to do about the situation. Forget it, I’ll just go home and be by myself and figure it out on my own.” She walked to her office, picked up her purse and walked into the reception area. Standing at the door, she shouted back to his office. “Oh, and if you hear from Mr. Steele tell him that the only mature adult in this relationship doesn’t want to talk to him until he’s come to his senses and wants to apologize!”

Mildred looked at Abigail and shook her head as she picked up the broken frame. “Those two really need someone to straighten them out or this marriage is going to be a match made in hell.”

“You know Mildred. I think you’re right. Someone does need to set things straight but I’m going to leave Laura alone for now. She needs to cool off before anyone tries talking to her. I think perhaps I’ll have a little talk with Mr. Steele and see if anything can be done to fix this mess.”

“I’ll get you the address. Do you want me to come along?”

“Thank you, but no. I think this is one conversation that we’ll need to have alone.” Abigail waved goodbye as she left Remington Steele Investigations.

Laura sat in the traffic caused by an accident on the freeway. The top on the car was down and she raised her head to let the sun shine down on her face while she reflected on the day’s earlier events. “Where does he get off saying that I’m hiding from my past? He’s the one who never bothers to tell me about his life. He dishes out one or two tidbits and thinks I’m supposed to turn cartwheels because he deemed to share for a moment! Even then it’s usually something criminal or underhanded that I didn’t want to know anyway!” She reached out and turned on the radio. Switching through all of the preset channels, she finally stopped at the only station not playing a commercial. Without giving it a second thought she began to sing along with the song playing.

“I don't know what it is that makes me love you so, I only know I never want to let you go, 'cause you started something, can't you see, that ever since we met you've had a hold on me. It happens to be true - I only want to be with you… It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, I wanna spend each moment of the day with you. Cause look what has happened with just one kiss, I never knew that I could be in love like this. It's crazy but it's true - I only want to be with you… You stopped and smiled at me, asked me if I'd care to dance. I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance…”

She stopped singing and quickly changed the station. The disc jockey on the next station gave listeners a teaser about the upcoming song that attracted Laura’s attention. Traffic was at a standstill as she halfheartedly listened to the lyrics of the song.

“You’ve got truth on your side. I’m over here in the right… There’s a line of pride that divides us. And we’ve got wants, we’ve got needs, but we don’t want to see all the answers are right here inside us. So the battle rages on, but the dark of night is all it brings. Someone turn on a light, don’t you know that we’re fightin’ for the same thing? We both want a love that’s never gonna end. We’re looking for a way to make us closer again. So why are we fightin’ one another? When after all, we’re fightin’ for each other. Fightin’ for the same thing. So baby let’s settle down and try talking this out, without talking about someone leaving. That’s not the issue at hand. It’s just woman and man trying to hold onto something worth keeping. And if you let me hold you now, I think you’ll see just what I mean. Ain’t no wrong, ain’t no right, only us and we’re fightin’ for the same thing.”

Laura turned the radio off and had a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach as the words struck more than one nerve in her body and his hurt and furious expression once again was emblazoned on her mind. As a highway patrol officer waived her around the accident, she nearly found herself wishing one of the cars had been hers.

Arriving at the loft Laura noticed the answering machine blinking and hit the play button as she dropped her purse on the table next to the phone. “Hey Laura, it’s Bernice. I got your message and wanted to give you a call back. We’re on the road so give me a call. I’m at 707-555-0969 room 124. Talk to you soon!”

Laura picked up the phone and dialed the number. “Hi Tom. It’s Laura Holt. I’m great, just great. Is Bernice there? Thanks…”

“You know it’s barely four o’clock there. Knocking off early for a change?”

“Bernice, you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice. Where are you?”

“Cleveland on our way to Billings, Montana for Tom and the band to perform. They’re playing a little club that’s supposedly going to be good for their careers so I figured I might as well get out and see the world in a bus! What’s going on with you? Your message said you wanted to ask me something important.”

Laura sat down in the chair next to the table. “Yeah, well. It was important but now I’m not even sure if it matters anymore.”

Bernice could hear the sound of uncertainty and depression in her voice. “Laura, hello… It’s me… Bernice, remember? What’s going on?”

“It’s Mr. Steele.”

“Ohhh great! So what’s Skeeziks done this time?”

“Asked me to marry him.”

“WHAT?! I don’t think I heard you correctly. He asked you to MARRY him?”

"That’s what I said.”

“Boy, things around there must have really changed since I left. Come on Laura, I didn’t even know you were getting your teeth rattled!”

“I wasn’t until about two weeks ago.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Was he as good at rattling teeth as I’ve always thought he would be?”

“Actually, it wasn’t so much getting my teeth rattled. It was more like an earthquake and a volcanic eruption at the same time. It was absolutely unbelievable.”

“So you’re actually going to marry him?”

“Well I was until this morning. Now I’m not so sure.”

“What happened this morning?”

“My mother’s here and she’s been driving us crazy with wedding plans so to lighten the mood, I kind of jokingly exaggerated the number of men I’ve slept with. I guess it went a little too far and let’s just say he didn’t take it well. Then I told him about a man that I came close to becoming involved with last year and everything went downhill from there. We ended up in a huge argument and to make a long story short, he accused me of trying to sabotage the relationship and walked out.”

“You told him that you almost slept with someone else? Laura, what were you thinking? You never tell a guy that you were thinking about sleeping with another man unless you want to kill any chance you’re ever gonna get with him! Do I need to get on a plane to come out and knock some sense into you?”

“That won’t be necessary but thanks for the offer. I’ll call you though if we do end up walking down the aisle. I need you to be one of the bridesmaids.”

“As long as I don’t have to wear some hideous lime green ruffled dress I’ll be there. And Laura, if you want to talk some more about this or anything else, I’ll be here for that too.”

“Thanks Bernice. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.” Laura hung up the phone and went to soak in a very hot bath.

Remington wasn’t surprised when he heard a knock at the door. He started speaking as he opened it but didn’t realize who was there until he’d already finished his sentence. “I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to come to your senses! Oh, Abigail… What brings you by?”

As she walked past him and into the living room Abigail explained her presence. “Laura filled Mildred and me in on what happened this afternoon. Well, she filled us in from her angry, judgmental point of view anyway. But I want to talk to you about what’s happening.”

“No offense Abigail, but this is between Laura and me. I’ve just reached the point of not knowing whether I’m coming or going and I’m tired of her using me for a punching bag when her little world isn’t running precisely aligned with her wants and needs. I have wants and needs too but those are and always have been secondary to hers. I’m sorry but if you don’t mind, I would rather not discuss Laura or our relationship at the moment.”

“Neither do I. Earlier you asked me to tell you about Laura’s father leaving me. I’ve never talked about this with anyone, certainly not the girls, and after seeing and hearing Laura this afternoon…well, I think it’s time to tell the truth, but you’ve got to promise that you’ll never tell either one of the girls. If they ever find out about it, I don’t know whether either one of them will ever forgive any of us.”

“Abigail, people divorce all the time and children usually eventually get over it. What could possibly have been so horrible that it scarred Laura for life?”

“Promise me that what you’re about to hear will go no further than this room.”

“Yes, yes, I promise.”

Abigail took a deep breath. “Do you remember the first time we met and Laura had disappeared? I told you that she’s my middle child. Well that’s only partly true.”

“What do you mean, partly and what does it have to do with Laura’s father leaving?”

“What has Laura told you about Frank?”

“Not much really. Only that he used to take her to the circus and they used to watch television shows together, particularly "Atomic Man". Why?”

“Ah yes, Laura used to sit glued to the TV watching that show…”

“Yes, well, could we get back to Laura only partly being your middle child please?”

“I was getting to that. Frank was one of the “old school” men who believed that above all else, a man should have a son. He was disappointed when Frances was born and then when Laura came along he was more than a little unenthusiastic. He refused to have anything to do with her in the beginning and then set out to turn her into a tomboy.” Abigail looked to the bar. “Could I have a glass of water please?”

Remington immediately got up and poured her a glass. He handed it to her as he sat back down on the couch next to her. Abigail slowly sipped the water and spoke between sips. “When Laura was four, she and Frank would watch "Atomic Man" every time it came on. I found out I was pregnant again and Frank wasn’t exactly thrilled because he figured he was about to be saddled with another girl. One Saturday afternoon I had gone to the grocery store and had left Laura at home with Frank. Before I left I had told her to move her tricycle so it wouldn’t be in the middle of the sidewalk. Well, "Atomic Man" came on and that was Laura’s absolute favorite thing in the world because it was time to spend alone with her daddy. When I came back, I had bags in my arms and didn’t see that she hadn’t moved her tricycle and I tripped over it. Later that night, I started having horrible pains and had to be taken to the hospital. I had a miscarriage and it turned out that the baby would have been Frank’s little boy.”

Remington lowered his head. “I’m so sorry Abigail. Laura’s never said anything about this.”

“That’s because she doesn’t know. We hadn’t explained the idea of having a little brother or sister to her yet and I thought it would be better if she didn’t know after what had happened.”

“But you refer to her as your middle child. She’s never questioned you on that?”

“I never discuss anyone other than her and Frances when they’re nearby. I hadn’t meant to say it to you but I didn’t realize I had until after the fact.” She took another sip of the water. “When Frank found out about the fact that the baby would have been a boy and the doctor said the fall over the tricycle had caused the miscarriage, Frank blamed Laura for the death of his son. He never said anything in front of her but I knew he did. A few weeks later he found a new job that required most of his time to be spent on the road and included Saturdays. Laura spent the first few weekends crying her little eyes out because he wasn’t there to watch "Atomic Man" with her. After about a month she finally stopped watching it altogether.”

“But what about all of the circuses he took her to? She was more than four at the time.”

“That’s true, he did take her. But it wasn’t because he wanted her with him. It was because he was seeing someone and taking Laura was the easiest way to get out of the house without a long, drawn-out explanation. Laura never noticed anything because she was too swept up in the fact that her daddy was home and paying attention to her. That was all that mattered.”

“You knew about the other women yet you stayed in the marriage?”

“It was the early 60s. Divorce wasn’t discussed back then. If a husband was cheating, you just looked the other way and went on with your life as if nothing was happening.”

“So why did he leave?” He handed Abigail a tissue as she wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I didn’t know he was going to. We had discussed things and had made an arrangement that he could continue with his life doing whatever he wished as long as we always presented ourselves as the picture of the perfect family. It worked for a few years but things came to a head when he came in and told me that his mistress had just given birth to his son and he no longer wanted to live a lie. I begged him to stay through the end of the week. Laura’s school was having their annual Daddy/Daughter dance and she had been waiting all year for the two of them to go. He reluctantly agreed to stay but would leave immediately afterwards. On the day of the dance I took Laura to the beauty parlor to have her hair and nails done and then to pick up her dress from the seamstress who had been hemming it for her. I had forgotten the shoes at home and we needed them to check the length, so I left her with the seamstress and went home. When I went into her bedroom to get the shoes there was a note on the bed from Frank. I picked it up and read it and my entire world fell apart in that one single moment.”

She reached for another tissue and took the final sip of water from the glass. “I’ll never be able to forget what he put on that paper. He told her that he had always wanted a boy and that no matter how hard he tried he never really loved her and that it was her fault that the son he always wanted was dead. But it didn’t matter anyway because now he had a son and didn’t need to pretend to care about her or Frances or her mother anymore and as far as he was concerned he no longer had a daughter named Laura.”

Remington was dumbfounded by her words. “Oh good lord…”

“I tore the note into the tiniest pieces I could and stuffed them into my purse. When I got back to the seamstress shop she had her dress on and I had never seen her look so incredibly beautiful as she did in that opalescent white gown. She looked like Cinderella going to the ball. It broke my heart to see Laura so excited about the night and I struggled all the way home to keep myself from bursting into tears because I knew he was gone. I tried to tell her two or three times but she was so excited she wasn’t listening. Throughout the night every time a car went by she would run to the window thinking it was Frank home to change. At 10:00 she went to her room and cried herself to sleep. I went in to try to comfort her but when I saw her sleeping with mascara stains on her cheeks and that beautiful dress crumpled in the corner, all I could do is sit on the side of her bed and cry. It wasn’t until the next morning that I told her he wasn’t coming back. Then the reality of the situation hit me and I shut down. Unfortunately, not knowing any better, Laura thought I was pushing her away and blamed me for driving her father away. I couldn’t ever tell her truth and since I had destroyed the note, she’d never have believed it anyway.”

“So instead you’ve let her blame you for all these years?”

“It’s better than telling her that her father hated her isn’t it? Of course, not trying to argue with her made it even worse. She spent her days in school and was the perfect student but then became what was referred to as a “wild child”. She began going to parties that involved alcohol and began seeing someone named Marty something-or-another, whom I’m told taught her to kiss and goodness only knows what else.” Remington furrowed his eyebrows. “Then she went off to Stanford where she met a young banker named Wilson Jeffries. He was such a nice young man and I thought he would be the perfect man for Laura because he would bring her back to her senses and I would have my lovely daughter back. When she graduated she announced that they were moving in together. Well that wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for but it was at least a step in the direction of marriage. Everything seemed to be going beautifully until they went to Acapulco for a banking convention. I’m not sure of all of the details of the trip but two days after they got back, Laura came home to an empty house and a note telling her that after giving it consideration Wilson had come to the conclusion that she wasn’t the person he thought she was and despite their relationship, she had embarrassed him and herself and he couldn’t be associated with a person who obviously cares so little about appearances and presentation. Then she blamed me for not being a mother to her and cutting myself off every time she’s ever needed me because if I had cared she wouldn’t be alone again.”

Remington shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know what to say.”

“There really isn’t much anyone can say. She was devastated when Frank went and then completely crushed when Wilson left her and oddly enough, I think Wilson leaving was the best thing that’s ever happened to her.”

“Why would you something like that?”

“Because it was the jolt that finally snapped her back into reality. She was suddenly faced with having to completely fend for herself and realize that she couldn’t continue with the reckless path her life was headed down. Within two months she had completely transformed herself into a mature woman who had set her sights on succeeding in life. I was always hoping she would just find another nice young man to settle down and have a family with like Frances did, but Laura wouldn’t have any part of it. That turned into another wedge between us and instead she turned her attention to working for some detective agency. Years went by and then the next thing I knew she was working for Remington Steele Investigations and wouldn’t even consider being involved with a man long enough to go on a second date let alone settle down with.”

Remington couldn’t hide the slight grin that came across his face. “Yes, that’s Laura all right. And you’ll have to forgive me Abigail if I’m not sorry that her life didn’t go the way you had wanted it to.”

Abigail looked at him and smiled. “Don’t tell Laura this, but I’m glad too. I haven’t had that much time to get to know you but I can look at you and see the love you have for her and I can’t begin to thank you enough for that.”

“Well, she’s not exactly the easiest woman in the world to love sometimes but I’m afraid I’m a bit too far gone to turn back now. Despite whatever she said Abigail I have no intention of walking out on her. I just want her to realize that she can’t always have everything the way she wants it to be. There are two people in this relationship and I can’t be expected to put my thoughts or feelings on the back burner whenever she doesn’t like a conversation or something throughout the day isn’t perfect. She needs to learn that the entire world doesn’t revolve around “the gospel according to Laura Holt” and that there is another person here with feelings that have been hurt just as much as hers have over the years.”

“Is that what happened this afternoon?”

“Partially, yes. When you and Mildred walked in Laura had just told me that she had considered becoming involved with another man last year and asked me about something that had happened earlier in the year. You came in before I had a chance to answer but at that moment it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. The woman that I have spent the past four-and-a-half years trying to find a way to show I love her had just told me that she had nearly gone away with another man.” Remington looked at her surprised face. “She didn’t mention that part in her replay of the conversation did she?”

“No, no she didn’t.”

"Of course she didn’t. When the two of you left, Laura turned and again asked why I was still here or whether I was planning to pack up my borrowed life and get out of hers. I didn’t mean to throw the glass and I certainly never intended to hurt her but something inside of me snapped and all of the frustration I had been feeling for so many years finally came to the surface. The next thing I knew I was forcing her to look at herself in the mirror and was shouting at her. I swear the only thing I wanted was to make her understand once and for all that I’m tired of having the same arguments and having her try to turn everything into my fault for not telling her about my past. She needs to stop hiding behind hers and using it for a crutch because until she does we’re never going to have a future together.”

Abigail was about to speak when the phone rang. “Steele here. Ah, yes Mildred. What is it? But can’t you take care of it? What about Laura, perhaps you should call her? No, no Mildred. Yes, fine. Fine, I’ll be there shortly. Goodbye Mildred.” He turned back to Abigail. “I’m terribly sorry but apparently there’s something wrong at the office and Mildred needs me to take care of it.”

“It’s alright. We can continue this conversation later. Remember you promised not to say anything…”

“I give you my word Abigail. I won’t breathe a syllable to Laura.”

Remington was perplexed when he walked into his office and found Laura sitting at the desk. “Laura, what are you doing here?”

“I own this agency, remember? I can be wherever I want to be. Although the better question is what are you doing here?”

"Mildred called and said there was an emergency and that I was needed.”

Laura’s eyebrows furrowed. “Odd, she called and told me the same thing.”

Mildred walked in and closed the office door. “Mildred, you told me there was an emergency yet there’s nothing wrong.”

Mildred looked at Remington then pointed to the couch. “You over there.” She turned her attention to Laura. “You too. Over there.” Remington sat down but Laura remained at the desk. Mildred again looked at Laura. “Did you not hear me Missy? I said the couch. Now!” Laura could see by the expression on Mildred’s face that she meant business and she got up to join Remington on the couch. “You say there’s nothing wrong? Well that’s not the way I see it. I’m finished watching the two of you playing these stupid little control games and we’re not leaving this office until you’re either back together or separated for good because your days of playing he said/she said are over!”