CHAPTER TWO

It couldn’t have been more than five minutes before Mildred slowly opened their bedroom door.  She didn’t knock for fear they might still be sleeping and stood in the doorway looking their direction while trying to determine if they were awake.  Almost instinctively and without raising her head from the crook between his elbow and chest, Laura said, “Morning Mildred.” 

Mildred was almost flustered as she answered, “Oh, morning.  I didn’t know if the two of you were awake yet and I wanted to let you know that I’ve booked the ferry and train back to London so we can fly home from there.”  She tried to divert her eyes when Remington rolled onto his back, bringing the still snuggled Laura with him.   

“Ah, change of plans Mildred.  We’re not going back just yet.” 

“We’re not Boss?” 

“Um, no.  I’m not leaving this castle until Laura is formally proclaimed Mrs. Steele.” 

“What are you talking about Boss?  You’re already married.  Remember?  The fishing boat, Juan, the reception at your apartment, Immigration… Sound familiar?” 

Laura looked at Remington’s amused expression and Mildred’s confused look and rose up from her comfy arm.  “Yes, Mildred it does sound familiar.  But what would you say if I told you that Mr. Steele and I didn’t get married on that fishing boat, that the entire last nine days have been a farce and that we never, well, you know, until last night?” 

“I’d say you’re pulling my leg.”  Mildred looked at both of their faces and came to the sudden realization that Laura was telling the truth.  “You mean to tell me that he was REALLY going to marry that hooker and you only pretended to marry him to keep him from being deported?  And then you let me and everyone else in the world thinks the two of you were on your honeymoon and the entire time you were playing us all for fools!”

The soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Steele quickly caught onto Mildred’s anger.  Laura reached for a robe and Remington pulled the bedspread up a bit higher.  “Now Mildred,” he said.  “You’ve got to understand why we couldn’t tell you about any of this deception until now.” 

Laura got out of bed and retrieved a robe for him from the closet.  She handed it to him as she walked to Mildred and led her to the sofa across the room.  “Mildred, do you remember the passports you found while we were looking for Mr. Steele last year in London and we got him one in the name of Remington Steele.”

“What about it?”

“Well, Norman Keyes found out about the consulting deal we had set up with Vigilance Insurance and decided to use what he knew about Mr. Steele to his advantage.  He tipped off Immigration that he was there illegally.  Mr. Steele didn’t want to involve us with the unpleasantness so he took it upon himself to find a way out of it and the best plan he could come up with was to marry Clarissa.”

Remington crossed to the other side of the room with the ladies and picked up where Laura left off.  “Well Mildred, I was only marrying her for the sake of getting the INS out of my hair.  I figured it wouldn’t take more than two or three days and then life would be back to normal.  I didn’t realize until later that I would have to be married for at least two years.”

Mildred’s eyes grew wider with a look of shock and more anger.  “So you were going to marry Clarissa, not say anything to me or anyone else and act as if there wasn’t anything wrong?  What about Miss Holt?  Didn’t you stop to think that she might be a little upset over the idea that you ran off and married a hooker!  What were you going to do, play office with Miss Holt during the day and house with that bimbo at night?!”

Remington started to open his mouth and then stopped and hesitated while he looked at Mildred’s shocked, angry and disappointed face.  He looked at Laura as if to say “help before she kills me” with his eyes.  She takes the hint and reaches out for Mildred’s hand.

“Mildred, it’s okay.  I too was furious with Mr. Steele’s ludicrous, insensitive, unbelievable and incredibly stupid idea but I’m sure that somewhere in his egotistical mind, there was a perfectly good reason for him asking a hooker to marry him instead of me.”

“Ah, yes.  Well you see, Mildred.  If Laura can get over it, then you should be able to as well.  Now the important thing is that Laura has agreed to become my wife for real and we’ve got a wedding to plan.  We’re going to be married before we leave Ireland so I’ll need you to help with the arrangements.”

Mildred looked at Laura with a half-hearted smile and then at Remington with a disapproving scowl before agreeing to help.  As she closed the door, Remington turned to look at Laura. 

“Um, Laura.  You are okay with all of this aren’t you?”

“Okay with all of what?  You mean Mildred reminding me that you were perfectly okay with the idea of running off with a hooker while stringing me along or that you were actually dumb enough to think that I wouldn’t notice your sudden aversion to trying to seduce me for two years?  Or were you thinking more along the lines of having your cake and eating it too Mr. Steele?”

“I was talking about getting married today.”

“So was I.  How do I know that you’re not just trying to marry me now to stay in the country?  Maybe the INS has told you that you’re still being deported unless you come back to the States as a happily married man with your wife in tow.  How do I know what happened last night is anything more than what Daniel always said it was: a roll in the hay that leaves you free to go because you were only staying long enough to get what you wanted?” 

“What the bloody hell are you talking about woman?!  Ten minutes ago you were lying in my arms talking about the incredible life we were going to have and now you’re spewing words like a bloody volcano.  Yes, it was stupid of me to think about marrying Clarissa.  Yes, I should have thought of you and your feelings before I did something like that.  Yes, I should have just told you about Immigration but YOU’RE the one who agreed to marry me, for better, for worse and even for fraud remember?  Now here I stand in a room in Ireland finally professing my love and you stand there with that disapproving, high-and-mighty Laura Holt look on your face.  I can’t do this…”  He turned and opened the door. 

“Where are you going?” she shouts at his back.

“At the moment, as far away as I can get from you.”  He stepped through the door but turned around once more and stared at her.  “You know the worst part of all this Laura; I guess we have the answer to what comes after the magical moment.  You finally get your wish.  You’ll be in Los Angeles and Remington Steele will be nothing more than the figment of your imagination.  Now I’m going to find Mildred and tell her there’s nothing for her to work on because you’ll be going home without me.  Have a good trip Laura.” 

The door closed and she stood in the room as the shadows made it appear cold and empty.  As Laura lowered herself to the sofa she suddenly realized the cold and empty feeling wasn’t in the room, it was in her.